25 Reasons Not to Sleep with SoMEone

I only slept with Brent because he bought me martinis at the Marriott.

I only slept with Mia to say I’d lost my virginity to a girl.

I only slept with Will so he’d leave me alone (I was reading Infinite Jest).

I only slept with Lia so I could tell the guys on the soccer team.

I only slept with Paul to get back at Shaun.

I only slept with Jordin to prove I wasn’t gay.

I only slept with Travis so I could steal his Vicodin (and Adderal).

I only slept with Candice (and Zach) to get back at Denny.

I only slept with Bill because I was bored, and he seemed sad.

I only slept with Kim so I could keep calling off work.

I only slept with Brad so he would go to rehab.

I only slept with Gianna because she had a car.

I only slept with Matty because I was cold and needed the bathtub.

I only slept with that girl from Edgehill to get back at Shaun (not a pattern).

I only slept with Max because he played in the Pittsburgh Orchestra.

I only slept with Emily so I could share the master bedroom in North Carolina.

I only slept with Chad because I liked his scars.

I only slept with Heidi because Melissa was at the beach.

I only slept with Daniel so I could make him use the ‘grin and bare it’ lotion.

I only slept with Jamie so Erin wouldn’t think I was gay.

I only slept with Brody because I was 17 and couldn’t buy alcohol.

I only slept with Dan Akyord’s niece to get back at Shaun again.

I only slept with the other Max because he was a lawyer.

I only slept with Ali so my friends could watch.

I only slept with that guy at the Omni because I felt bad for him.

 

Then there were the countless guys I slept with for cash, but that doesn’t count does it?

 


“To be conscious that you are ignorant of the facts is a great step toward knowledge”

Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)

3 Comments

  1. “I only slept with Daniel so I could make him use the ‘grin and bare it’ lotion.”
    Well if that’s not a bonafide reason then I don’t know what is! 😉

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