Ridiculous Things 12 Steppers Say

1. “You know how we are! ” always followed by painful laughter and always in reference to normal human behavior displayed by 99.9% of people

2. “There goes I, but for the grace of God” always said with a smug head shake. What makes you so special?

3. “Have you prayed on it?” always asked with complete seriousness to a real problem that requires a real solution.

4. “I’m fighting for my life!” ok dramatic.

5. “My brain needed a good wash” in response to the 12 steps being a brainwashing cult. I have heard hundreds of people mouth these words and it always sounds exactly like something a brainwashed person would say – very suspect.

6. “I’m glad I woke up alive today”. Well I doubt you’d be waking up if you weren’t alive.

7. “I was born an alcoholic”. What?! Did your mom shoot you out of her woo-woo directly into a vat of beer? No, stop being ridiculous. I hear this one at least once a meeting.

8. “The steps are in order for a reason” always said like its the first time anyone’s said it – it’s not and it’s stupid.

9. “The only person you can get clean for is yourself”. Well that’s going to be difficult because if I liked myself I wouldn’t be taking all of these drugs.

10. “A real friend will tell you the truth” usually referenced when a sponsor says something outrageously inappropriate and makes their sponsee cry. Very suspect, because a real friend will know when I want to be lied to and will be smart enough to know when truth is appropriate

11. “I should be dead” always said dramatically while looking up to the heavens. According to whom? Are you a doctor? Didn’t think so, shut the fuck up

12. “Everyone in the world needs this program!

Actually, no one needs it.