All I Accomplished on Last Day of Bank of America Account

It’s no secret to those who know me that I love fucking with people, and the urge gets worse when I’m bored. So when I found myself working for one of the countries top 500 evil corporations I had a lot of time on my hands and few candidates left to mess with for entertainment. I’d even had to have a few uncomfortable meetings in 20th floor conference rooms with my direct supervisor about my language usage on interoffice IM chat. They were screen grabbing my images and reading my conversations! Who does that? Just another reason to hate corporate America. With my co-workers off the table I turned my attention to unsuspecting leasing agents in Pittsburgh. Here is one of the better exchanges:
For clarification, I am posing as FaChina Jones PhD, a strong sassy black woman with a crippled son.

FaChina Jones <fachinajones88@gmail.com>

Salutations Leasing Agent,

I have just accepted a job offer in the Pittsburgh area and am looking to move into your building ASAP. Please let me know availability.

 

Sincerely,

FaChina Jones, PhD

 

Hello FaChina!

Thank you for your interest in Carriage Park Apartments!! I would love to help you find your new home, but I do have a few questions to help narrow down your search.

1)  How many people will be moving?

2)  What size apartment are you looking for?

3)  Do you have any pets?

4)  When are you looking to move?

5)  Is there anything that is important to you within the home (high-rise vs. garden-style, balcony vs. patio, dishwasher, etc.)?

6)  Are you looking to sign a 1-year lease?

7)  Do you have a price range you are trying to stay within?

Please get back to me with the answers and we can go from there.  I look forward to hearing from you!

Thank you,

Dvonya Sedlacko

Leasing Consultant

Carriage Park

(412)343-6336 Phone

(412)343-8070 Fax

dbi0300@aol.com

 

FaChina Jones <fachinajones88@gmail.com>

Hi Dvonya,

Thank you for getting back to me so quickly! Below are the answers to your questions.

 

  1. It will just be me and my quadriplegic son. He is brain dead though so he does not need a full size room. A large closet would be sufficient
  2. I am looking for at LEAST 900 square feet. My research requires me to have one empty bedroom at all times.
  3. I have no pets.
  4. My job in Pittsburgh starts 9/1 so i am looking to move anytime in August.
  5. The most important thing to me about my new home would be its age. I would like something as old as possible as it is important for my research – more on that later.
  6. I am looking to sign a one year lease.
  7. I am trying to stay under $2000 a month.

Thank you,

FaChina

 

Good Afternoon FaChina,

We have two bedroom apartments that will be available on Aug 12 for the rental rate of $1160.00 plus gas and electric. I also have a two bedroom townhouse that will be available on August 8th for $1260 and is 1053 sq ft and Aug 12 for $1295 a month plus gas and electric and is 1180 sq ft. . The apartment is 875 sq ft.

If any of these options work for you please let me know and we can proceed further.

Thanks so much!

Dvonya Sedlacko

Leasing Consultant

Carriage Park

412-343-6336

 

Dvonya ,

The apartment that is 1053 sq ft and Aug 12 for $1295 sounds like it would be the best fit for me and Charmander. A few concerns I do have to ask about before we proceed though. What kind of wattage do the outlets in the town home produce? My research equipment requires a lot of power and tripped breakers can be fatal! Also would you have any objections to a professional contractor installing sound proof doors on the bedrooms?

Thanks!

FaChina

 

Good Afternoon,

The wattage in the apartments are the standard 115. As far as the professional contractor situation. Upon approval of application and moving into the apartment you will would be able to fill out a reasonable accommodation form in the office and it would be sent to the appropriate department and would be handled accordingly from there.

If you would like to schedule a time to come into the leasing office and fill out an application we can move forward with the blocking of this apartment. A check for $99 for the deposit and $60 for each person over the age of 18 that will be living in the apartment in order to block the apartment as well as a completed application form and consent to run a background and credit check. There are additional documents that would also be required in order to complete the application process. 

Thanks

Dvonya Sedlacko

Leasing Consultant

 

Sounds great! I am available on Monday to come in. Would Charmander have to fill out an application as well? Like I said he has zero brain function but if i wedge the pen in his mouth he can sort of flop his head around and make a signature

 

Thanks!

FaChina. 

 

The conversation ended with her telling “me” that I could just sign for my little Charmander. The best part is when I failed to show up for the appointment, she called to see where I was and after hearing my real name on my voicemail STILL LEFT A MESSAGE for FaChina. Some people are too easy.

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